More battles against patriarchy- On matters of size

More battles against patriarchy-  On matters of size

Very recently, we were chatting, my girlfriends and I and as it so often when a bunch of women are talking, the thoughts turned to size. Somebody felt she was ‘fat’. The rest of use rushed in to defend her

‘If you think you are, you should see me?’

“of course you are no’

“You look good.”

All that validation and I got thinking. There we were, a group of grown, mature women, who were educated, had built careers, nurtured marriages, raised families and found fulfillment and here we were grappling with body issues. Picture a similar group of men- do you think they would be seeking reassurance about the size of their asses?  Hardly.

Then I thought about all of us, who rushed in to assure our friend that she looked fine. We assured her that she still fit in with the expected idea of beauty. Or we tried to tell her that some of us were worse off, so that she could take comfort in that.  Why didn't we just tell her, “who cares? “You are an amazing wonderful woman, a great mom, a superb cook and most important a nice human being. Why should your size matter? It is bad enough that society, thanks to patriarchal ideas of beauty, expect women to look a certain way, never mind that she delivered a nine pound baby less than an hour ago. Or that media is so unforgiving of all the women news- makers, focusing on their physicality over everything else. Michelle Obama has to explain her choice of clothes or the change in her body size, anybody ever talk about Obama’s shirts? What shirts, you are wondering. See, that’s my point.

All this made me realise something even more frightening- what sort of expectations are we setting for our daughters? Have we ever actually told them – never mind your body shape or size? Sure you owe it to yourself to exercise regularly. After all our bodies were made to move, not be idle. To eat healthy and responsibly.  Stop worrying about your waist size or the lack of it. Spend that time chasing all the things you really want to do. Go learn Swahili. Or the Irish two step. Or baking a Tiramisu. Or kick-boxing. Make sure you get as much education as you can. Make new friends and for god sake, when you all get together , let not your body weight weigh down on your joys.